We're like a lot better than the average bears
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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