When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
