I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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