Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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