That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just cropdusted the office
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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