I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
