It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
