haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
