This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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