So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
