Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
