toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
