I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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