u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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