Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
