Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
