??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
