I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
