Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
