my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
