oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My brain says no but my pants say off.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
