my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
