He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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