Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
