We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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