true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
