adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
