do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
50% drunk capacity currently
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
