So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
