Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
