So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
