so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh god it's open bar.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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