I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
