@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My penis needs a shock collar
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
