i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think my fart just growled at me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
