is your mom at the bar?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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