Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
