I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
