apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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