apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
