so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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