You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
