when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
