just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
