You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
