I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
