im having a threesome with these popsicles
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
