bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
