Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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