This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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