The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
