I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
