I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
