I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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