the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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